Grit Isn’t What You Think It Is
by Grant Faulkner
As we head into this last week of JanYourStory, the subject of “grit” is on my mind because you need grit to show up and finish any challenging endeavor—and I worry that people might be exhausted by writing so much this month.
I believe in grit. I believe in it a lot. As a long-distance runner, I believe that most of life is about endurance—that life is a marathon, not a sprint. In fact, I once read that grit was more important than talent or brains for success.
But grit is often misunderstood.
We have a notion of grit that grit is a “grin and bear it” endeavor that relies on a “no pain/no gain” approach that is all about determination, discipline, and perseverance.
True enough, but I'd like to redefine grit. It's necessary for any accomplishment, but it carries the baggage of a "solitary hero" accomplishing things through their own steely determination, a determination that seems to rule out joy, self-care, passion, play, curiosity, and community.
At Memoir Nation we believe that joy, self-care, passion, play, curiosity, and community actually spark and nourish grit.
Passion is the foundation of grit
The psychologist and “grit guru” Angela Duckworth identified four key pillars of grit: interest, practice, purpose, and hope.
Hope because you’re working on your memoir not just for your present self but for that future self who wants you to tell your story.
“Grit is about working on something you care about so much that you're willing to stay loyal to it,” she said. “It's doing what you love, but not just falling in love—staying in love.”
You might even think about grit through the metaphor of a loving lifetime relationship—a relationship based in a shared sense of purpose and commitment that evolves with time as passion grows and morphs and dwindles and hopefully comes back. A relationship that requires practice and showing up and vision.
“The common metaphor of passion as fireworks doesn't make sense,” said Duckworth. “Fireworks erupt in a blaze of glory but quickly fizzle, leaving just wisps of smoke and a memory of what was once spectacular.”
Instead she suggests that passion is a compass—“that thing that takes you some time to build, tinker with, and finally get right, and that then guides you on your long and winding road.”
“Passion for your work is a little bit of discovery, followed by a lot of development, and then a lifetime of deepening,” said Duckworth
The often overlooked community behind grit
I’m generally wary of our American mythology that celebrates individual accomplishments without recognizing the ecosystem of support around them. Community is the foundation of any creative ecosystem.
“If each person's grit enhances grit in others, then, over time, you might expect what social scientist Jim Flynn calls a ‘social multiplier’ effect...one person's grit enhances the grit of the others, which in turn inspires more grit in that person, and so on, without end,” said Duckworth.
Think of that the next time you post your word-count in our community—or when you post anything about your writing: you’re fortifying others’ grit and resolve, and in return, you’re fortifying your own grit and resolve.
Playfulness as fuel for grit
Grit has been known to lead to overwork, and sometimes overwork can smother passion.
The fuel of grit relies on what gives you joy and curiosity for your story. The fuel of grit relies on playfulness.
Duckworth thinks play—exploring new ideas, activities, and experiences—is important for children and adults alike.
There are so many ways to be playful with your writing, even if you’re writing about a traumatic subject. Perhaps play with the structure of your story, the rhythm of your sentences, the way your describe things. Or maybe it’s just about making room for play off the page as you write—so that you’ll refuel for serious writing by allowing yourself to explore off the page.
The main thing is to be there for your story in good times and bad, to find ways to renew your commitment, and to consider what the best ways are for you to nourish your grit.
Keep Writing with Us
Do you want to commit to finishing your memoir with more community, instruction, and accountability? Consider these benefits that you can get:
Classes with memoir masters like Maggie Smith, Amanda Knox, Carvell Wallace—and more!
Weekly writing sessions with Brooke and Grant
Access to all of the features in our Community—including a book club, feedback groups, and mini writing events throughout the year
And more and more and more!
What do you need to do to get these benefits?
It’s simple. Check out our membership paths and choose the one that’s right for you.
JanYourStory Party!
This Saturday is the last day of the month and the last day of JanYourStory! Hard to believe it's gone so fast. We're having a Keep It Going party, and you're invited!
Whether you wrote every day or just a few, did the whole challenge or joined late in the game, come to the party to check in and hear about what we have in store in February.
You join by being a member of Memoir Nation at any level. Log in or sign up here. See you Saturday at 4pm PT/7pm ET!
This week’s episode is sweeping, interesting, and passionate. Guest Andre Dubus III takes us on a ride through some of memoir’s more confounding territory—what’s yours to tell; considerations of harm; writing about violence; and getting to truth on the page.
Bio: Andre Dubus III has authored nine books including the New York Times’ bestsellers House of Sand and Fog, The Garden of Last Days, and his memoir, Townie. His most recent novel, Such Kindness, was published in June 2023, and a collection of personal essays, Ghost Dogs: On Killers and Kin, was published in March 2024. Dubus has been a finalist for the National Book Award, and has been awarded a Guggenheim Fellowship, The National Magazine Award for Fiction, three Pushcart Prizes, and is a recipient of an American Academy of Arts and Letters Award in Literature. He teaches at the University of Massachusetts Lowell.
An Inspirational Quote
“You have to work hardest for the things you love most.”
—Carol S. Dweck
A Memoir Prompt
Write a letter to your future self five years from now and tell them about your memoir and how you finished it as a gift to you.
Weekly Question
Answer this in the Community.
How do you feel about the word “grit”? How do you define it? What nourishes your grit?